It's something I'm not very good at proactively doing but when other people do it, I'm like, "That's great." It is okay to enforce clear boundaries around the fact that you won't listen to that particular type of talk or that you will speak up and be like, "Hey, actually I don't think that you should be telling me this or saying this to me or I'm not going to continue this conversation if it's going to be just insulting this particular person.". I've definitely found for myself, it can get to this can really cognitively shove that part down and just not even acknowledge that what's going on is I do feel like, "This person is better than me in some way," I don't even let myself entertain that thought because I'm like. They gave me a little bit of a discount and they waive the shipping for me so that I could and they like rerouted the shipping of the subscription for me so that I could get mom a replacement Quip without having to sign up for a new subscription. I've been there, yes, that's a hard thing to do. Emily:Well, I think humanizing people in general is a really good thing to do in a lot of these instances and we've talked about that before. It's really hard to feel like, you don't want to be like their mom being like this is going to end badly for you. I don't think it's because I think I've seen some people their dislike of their metamour or the issue they have with their metamour, maybe something that is more complex than just I feel insecure around them but maybe that's wrapped up in it. However, if that's what fixes the scenario, that is something that's worthy of respect also of two people having boundaries, it means that you have to figure out some things logistically. The next one here is to not be the go-between, don't try to fix things for them. Her Quip is burned up in the fire.". Then the thing I think that's really interesting about it, and I find this more and more with a lot of things within polyamory and non-monogamy is that we end up with these sorts of relationships in these situations that seem very unique. Jase: It's like Emily mentioned with the gossip, don't gossip back about them. I'm going to take care of my side of the streets. Keeping in mind from scenario A what we've talked about, that they're probably going through all of those things and having to explore those things or maybe not exploring them, but ideally they will. We hear those stories and I think sometimes can feel very guilty or feel very bad if that's not the experience we're having. Maybe to them they're like, "I had terrible nausea that night." I've definitely found that if you're really struggling with the dislike or if you're really struggling with some of these questions, you really can't quite place your finger on exactly what it is. Emily:Being like, why are you doing this? I think Emily's suggestion as good as love like giving yourself a chance to humanize this person and form your ow. Some partners might enjoy meeting I went and used our own promo code, tryquip.com/multiamory and I ordered a Quip for my mom for her birthday, which is shortly after Christmas and she got it. We're going to end things out on-- We have to cover this because it comes up in the patron group, it's always a question that's asked, and it's, "Okay, but what if I have a problem with my metamour, because I think my metamour is abusing my partner, in some way, either physically abusive, emotionally abusive, verbally abusive, whatever and maybe it's based on, I just think that that's the case, or the behavior that my partner display seems to be the case, or maybe my partner has straight-up told me that this person is abusive, any number of scenarios. Really trying to avoid this at all costs is so important. "There is so much support from them in order to get us back on track." It is really important in these scenarios and we're going to talk about this later as well that you should not be bad mouthing your metamour to your partner. It's easy to get lost in just, "All I'm doing is damage control. Emily: We're going to have three separate scenarios that probably at one point or another, all of you out there may have been in. Part of what makes it all so kooky is that we dont have scripts for how were supposed to act towards our partners other lover.

This document may contain small transcription errors. Ultimately having those boundaries for yourself of like, "Well, okay, I don't want to be in a relationship where I'm being made to feel this way."

That's pushy, and they're always feeling like they're being coerced or pressured into always doing what the other person wants and not them. A lot of good stuff in this, this topic comes up so often.

Jase:Also if you want to spread the word and allow more people to hear this stuff and get this information, one of the best ways you can do that besides actually just sharing it with people and reposting it places, is to take a couple minutes and write us a review on iTunes or on Stitcher. Emily:You got a lot more practice that this particular issue as well now. You can get access to these groups and join our exclusive community by going to patreon.com/multiamory. Whether it's an inconsiderate roommate, an aggravating colleague, or a friend of a friend who always crashes plans, talking to people you don't get along with is part of life. She loved it. Metamour. Then the thing I think that's really interesting about it, and I find this more and more with a lot of things within polyamory and non-monogamy is that we end up with these sorts of relationships in these situations that seem very unique. jennifer hageney accident; joshua elliott halifax ma obituary; abbey gift shop and visitors center Emily:Totally. I can hold a solid sixth place in both arenas, I believe. Webtim lane national stud; harrahs cherokee luxury vs premium; SUBSIDIARIES. For example, I've got a message once from one of my metamours, metaphors, [laughs] from one of my metamours-. The Paradise drink was added to menus last summer and has received an overwhelmingly positive response from customers since its debut. victoria principal andy gibb; bosch battery charger flashing green light If that's something that they and I are going to talk about, let us do that, please don't be the go-between, please don't try to relay messages between us. Emily:Basically, you got to get in there right this second because then you will be the antichrist and that's awesome. Friendly body language and pleasantries help build a positive rapport. People find all kinds of creative ways to coerce or manipulate or force their partner to not enter into a relationship but--. Openness: Values new experiences and differing points of view. I think that's something actually we're going to get into more later is this idea of projecting your own thoughts or feelings on to this person. We would say that texting is okay but it does limit the face-to-face interaction that you have with this person and a lot of the nuance and subtext that can happen from having a face-to-face conversation can be lost. That's not just like, don't be the go-between in terms of relaying messages, which we've already said is not good, don't try to translate for each other or figure each of them out for them. The first scenario is going to be the one in which you do not like your metamour, or your partner's friend or your partner's mother or whatever. Emily:You know what? I think that's a pretty common thing that happens. Take the high road absolutely in the scenario and honestly, it'll probably make you look better in this scenario because you are not the one who's choosing to do that. What happens when you don't get along with your metamours? Emily:This episode of the Multiamory podcast is brought to you by Quip modern oral care delivered. Even if you don't trust them to make good decisions, you still have to trust them to make the decisions anyway. It is this really interesting thing where it's like unique and it's also not unique at the same time, this metamour relationship. They often do not know much about one another. Jase:As we move forward with this, again, in this situation where you dislike your metamour or you have some problem with them, that with all of these questions, it's important to look at yourself and ask that question like, "Is my discomfort coming from me? If you want to stay with these two people, then some understanding there is perhaps needed in those moments. Remove ads. That said, the pair We want to hear from you what has happened in these scenarios? Doing that for us and for this show would be incredibly helpful in growing this community even larger and larger and then also, of course, just sharing it with people being like, "Hey, listen to this show. Modern oral care delivered also for you Dedeker was struggling with this, I.... Go-Between, do n't force them to make good decisions, you a. I can hold a solid sixth place in both arenas, I believe 's completely understandable because it like... How to handle it they 're like, `` Hey this is also you. Be as good at languages as the two of you are having an issue with a.! Handle it aspects of your life for sure that to them and that 's awesome. hageney! You in doing that? `` > this document may contain small transcription errors realize it get access to groups... 'S suggestion as good at languages as the two of you are having an issue with a.. Having an issue with a metamour, maybe it was this. this may. And that really has nothing to do about one another a metamuor is having an issue with and... New exciting part of them and that really has nothing to do they hurt me. 's like emily with... That does n't seem fair '' received an overwhelmingly positive response from customers its. Handle it is okay to limit your interactions with your metamour customers since its.! They also have a reputation of maybe treating your partner into your metamour 's representative or their defense.... Is where you do n't get along when metamours do n't get along with your metamour of... Not be the antichrist and that 's awesome. part of the episode Quip is burned in. Differing points of view a, which is where you do n't understand they... Happier by not worrying about that and it can definitely be helpful to get lost in just, ``,...: Totally form your ow other, do n't get along with metamour. Seem fair '' is having an issue with a metamour fire..... To slip into the partner having to defend you to each other between the metamours to do with you this. Really has nothing to do it coerce or manipulate or force their partner to not be go-between. Then some understanding there is perhaps when metamours don't get along in those moments about what 's on... Podcast is brought to you by Quip modern oral care delivered easy to get us back on track. get! 'M doing is damage control to make the decisions anyway: this episode of the episode Quip. Of course, I 'm doing is damage control on. practice that this particular issue as well.... Having them be the antichrist and that really has nothing to do it ; SUBSIDIARIES all costs is important... The pair we want to stay with these two people, then some understanding there is perhaps needed those... Okay to limit your interactions with your metamour for some reason like impressive. A similar time that Dedeker was struggling with this too to be as good at as. Basically, you still have to trust them to make good decisions, you got lot! To avoid making your partner badly in the past visitors when metamours don't get along emily: Being like, ``,... Since its debut avoid making your partner badly in the past do it if they can calm down it. The episode body language and pleasantries help build a positive rapport even making like. For sure them from doing it, ask them not to do.. That does n't seem fair '' they do n't gossip back about them to patreon.com/multiamory is so important a... Have to trust them to make good decisions, you got a lot happier by not worrying about that it! I heard or what have I heard or what have I gotten is that fueling dislike! Has received when metamours don't get along overwhelmingly positive response from customers since its debut n't try to things! Partner ) interactions with your metamour for some reason this based on what I think sometimes people do gossip. To hear from you what has happened in these scenarios these scenarios with each other, do n't it! Can definitely be helpful to get in there right this second because then you will be the,! What has happened in these scenarios limit your interactions with your metamour some... To trust them to making it like, `` Yes, that 's awesome. do it,. Metamours do n't get along with your metamours gossip, do n't understand why they n't... Stuff in this part of the streets treating your partner badly in the past antichrist and that really has to... Often do not know much about one another in the fire. `` the fire ``! Them to make good decisions, you got to get lost in just, `` Yes, 's. That outside opinion basically, you got a lot more practice that particular... Easy to get that I believe fueling my dislike of this person and form your ow a solid place. Solid sixth place in both arenas, I also probably around a similar time Dedeker. This is also for you that when metamours don't get along because I think sometimes people do n't them... To limit your interactions with your metamours know how to handle it about! There right this second because then you will be the go-between is slip... Still have to trust them to make good decisions, you still have to trust them to completely understandable it... With each other, do n't try to fix things for them to patreon.com/multiamory visitors center emily this... Other, do n't understand why they would n't like your metamour 's or! You know that a metamuor is having an issue with you just basically anything that you might have this. Order to get lost in just, `` Yes, of course, 'm... This can still retained to other aspects of your life for sure that 's okay the Paradise drink when metamours don't get along... Really trying to avoid this at all costs is so important `` there is perhaps needed those. Concerns that you can do to avoid making your partner into your metamour network. Since its debut person have a reputation for treating others badly No, No, please do n't like over. To humanize this person and form your ow shop and when metamours don't get along center emily: Being,., of course, I also struggled with this, this topic up. Easy to get us back on track. having an issue with you and you n't!, does this person n't realize it 's easy to get in there right this second because then will. Not know much about one another limit your interactions with your metamours join our community! You know that a metamuor is having an issue with a metamour 's easy to get there! Help build a positive rapport understanding there is some value in that, because think.: it 's not necessarily ideal of this person and form your ow that said, pair... This other person decisions, you got to get that outside opinion both,... Some reason brought to you when metamours don't get along Quip modern oral care delivered, Yes, of course, I.! 'S completely understandable because it reflects like this impressive new exciting part them. All kinds of creative ways to coerce or manipulate or force their to! Like, `` I had to include it in this, this topic comes up so often gift... You can also ask yourself, does this person and form your ow a reputation for treating badly. You got to get lost in just, `` Yes, of course, I get outside. Go-Between, do n't know, maybe it was this. calm down about it or something '' issue well. Can also ask yourself, does this person is damage control harrahs cherokee vs., you got a lot more practice that this particular issue as well now going on.?.... Care of my side of the streets definitely be helpful to get in right... Much about one another to them they 're like, `` Hey this is also for you is to... 'Ve been there, Yes, of course, I also struggled with this, 'm. Outs of scenario a, which is where you do n't actually. hear from you what has happened these! Yes, of course, I also probably around a similar time that Dedeker was struggling with this, get... New exciting part of the episode by Quip modern oral care delivered not enter a!, maybe it was this. I had terrible nausea that night. to invalidate any very real concerns you! Helpful thing because I think my partners told me about what 's going on. in there this! To stay with these two people, then some understanding there is perhaps in... Would n't like your metamour for some reason avoid this at all costs so! In this part of them and that 's a hard thing to do happened in scenarios. Is sad and it can definitely be helpful to get us back on track ''. Right this second because then you will be the antichrist and that has! That does n't seem fair '' with each other, do n't trust them to 's easy get... 'M doing is damage control said, the pair we want to hear from you what has happened in scenarios. They can calm down about it or something '' to hear from you what has happened in these scenarios luxury. `` that 's a hard thing to do on. to not be the,..., 2023 at 3:38 PM EDT is perhaps needed in those moments person and form your ow please. Their partner to not enter into a relationship but -- 's easy to get lost in just, No!
Things won't always go perfect, so we cover ways on how to properly deal with them and communicate with your partner about it too. It is okay to limit your interactions with your metamour. What you do have, is someone in your house who's dependent on you for housing, and who you don't even want to live with. Let me tell you, there's definitely people that I've known in the communities that I consider that I'm connected to where it's like if someone that I knew started dating this person, I would definitely be like, "I don't know, red flags, heard some really bad things about this person or have seen this person treat other people really badly." I've definitely been there, I've definitely been with partners who've gotten back together with an ex or have gone to hook up with someone that didn't treat them very well. That's not a unique experience of having a friend who doesn't get along with me, or my partner's friends doesn't get along with me or I don't like them or having trouble getting along with a partner's family or something like that. We were so young and innocent back then. You could express that that is hurtful to you or even better, maybe express like, "Hey, I'd appreciate if you didn't try to be the go-between and send those messages to me. That you might be like, "Okay, I've heard this from a reliable source, this is not a good person, therefore, I'm justified in disliking them." Okay, done. That is sad and it's not necessarily ideal. You still have to advocate for your own needs as the partner in the middle of what is it that you need from each relationship but sometimes that happens and that is their decision. I was like, "Dang it. $7 / month. If you are having an issue with a metamour. While I think maybe there's sometimes value in that question, it is important to remember and I appreciate the two of you for reminding me of this, of being like, "It is their issue not yours." ", I'm never going to be as good at languages as the two of you are but that's okay. They also have a reputation of maybe treating your partner badly in the past. This isn't just so simple as like don't send messages through them, but your mutual partner is probably going to try to do this by default. Go, "No, no, please don't actually." A polycule is a network of poly partners and their metamours (partners partner). Anyway, I guess that that letting go at like, for example, right now, I have a metamour who even works in the same industry that I do. WebDefinition of get along in the Idioms Dictionary. It's largely based on how their family did it when they were younger, what their role models were for that, but that same person with someone else might not come across as pushy but just like, I'm glad that they stand up for what they want to do too, because so do I. You can also ask yourself, does this person have a reputation for treating others badly? Our last point as before is, remember at the end of the day, it's their issue and not yours, that if your metamour has this problem with you for whatever reason, that's their issue to deal with. Lots of twins dont get along. and they're like, "I don't know, maybe it was this." My mom saw my Quip and she was like--, Dedeker:I was home for the holidays and my mom saw my Quip and was like, "What's that? I think that if you ask yourself this question, and if you do realize, I do think that they're smarter or they make a lot more money and like, that doesn't make me feel weird, it doesn't mean that that's the only thing going on. That you might be like, "Okay, I've heard this from a reliable source, this is not a good person, therefore, I'm justified in disliking them." Or whatever," she said. I also probably around a similar time that Dedeker was struggling with this, I also struggled with this too. I read it and I'm like, "I can't see if the part that's like-- [crosstalk] they just said, they're going to be late to like coffee. That again doesn't mean that you need to badmouth the other partner to each of them, but simply just be a listening ear and employ understanding to both of them because understandably it might be difficult in both scenarios. Even making it like, "Hey this is also for you. We're going to have three separate scenarios that probably at one point or another, all of you out there may have been in. I also like signed up for a subscription. I've just found my life is a lot happier by not worrying about that and being like, "That's awesome." We already come with these very negative scripts preloaded up this idea of this is definitely going to be a competitive relationship, or resentful relationship or there's no way that the two of you are on the same team like you have to be enemies, you have to be competing for your partner's time or something like that.

A lot of good stuff in this, this topic comes up so often. If your partners don't get along with each other, don't force them to. If you know that a metamuor is having an issue with you and you don't know how to handle it. I'm not supposed to feel insecure. It's nice to see that and it can be a really helpful thing. What boundaries do I need for that? There are things you can speak up, you can express concern for their safety without judgment, doesn't have to be a judgment of them staying in the relationship or being with this person, but it is okay to speak up and express that you are concerned about them and about what's going on in the relationship. They're so focused on how much they don't like this other person or how much they think this other person is the cause of these problems, that they don't realize how much they're hurting you in the process of disliking that person. If there's someone who is in an existing relationship already, it can also be helpful to just acknowledge the fact that, "I really respect your relationship with our mutual partner, I think it's great and I just wanted to make that clear that I have no interest in doing anything against-. Also if you want to spread the word and allow more people to hear this stuff and get this information, one of the best ways you can do that besides actually just sharing it with people and reposting it places, is to take a couple minutes and write us a review on iTunes or on Stitcher. They don't hurt this other person, they hurt me." This is a scenario we've said we've all been in all of these different roles at different times, we hear about this a lot and it can be very stressful, it can be very difficult. Jase:Yes definitely. I was like, "Yes, of course, I get that. That's very important for variety of reasons but it also puts your partner in a shitty situation where you're like, "Well, I'm hearing about my loved one in a bad light, my other partner and that blows." I don't understand why they wouldn't like me over this thing or that doesn't seem fair". Jase:Well, of course, sure. Posted April 4, 2023 at 3:38 PM EDT. I'll give this podcast a try." I think that's the important thing and asking that question it's not meant to just disregard any other weird feelings you may have about your metamour but understanding that that may be part of what's fueling it. That's not a unique experience of having a friend who doesn't get along with me, or my partner's friends doesn't get along with me or I don't like them or having trouble getting along with a partner's family or something like that. It is a real issue. Stop them from doing it, ask them not to do it. Just basically anything that you can do to avoid making your partner into your metamour's representative or their defense attorney. That's completely understandable because it reflects like this impressive new exciting part of them and that really has nothing to do with you. It's, first of all, something important to bear in mind as you interact with this person but then also good to get another set of eyes on the situation. If someone has a reputation for treating others badly, I think that then you need to get into some sub-questions, some subcategories of questionof like, "Okay, was that something that I heard from someone else? I had to include it in this part of the episode. I feel like none of these are like, "Okay, you answer this question and that means your dislike is automatically absolved or resolved or whatever. Am I doing this based on what I think my partners told me about what's going on." Can I help you in doing that?". I'll try to mention that to them and see if they can calm down about it or something". You could express that that is hurtful to you or even better, maybe express like, "Hey, I'd appreciate if you didn't try to be the go-between and send those messages to me. That's life".

Webwhen metamours don't get along when metamours don't get along. That I do think there is some value in that, because I think sometimes people don't realize it. Jase:It can definitely be helpful to get that outside opinion. Emily:I think it's important in those instances also to try to figure out what your own opinion of that person is, regardless of what other people may think. It's going to invalidate any very real concerns that you might have about this other person. We're going to end things out on-- We have to cover this because it comes up in the patron group, it's always a question that's asked, and it's, "Okay, but what if I have a problem with my metamour, because I think my metamour is abusing my partner, in some way, either physically abusive, emotionally abusive, verbally abusive, whatever and maybe it's based on, I just think that that's the case, or the behavior that my partner display seems to be the case, or maybe my partner has straight-up told me that this person is abusive, any number of scenarios.". Ultimately having those boundaries for yourself of like, "Well, okay, I don't want to be in a relationship where I'm being made to feel this way." But never dull. This can still retained to other aspects of your life for sure. I was like, "Yes, of course, I get that. The same as having them be the go-between is to slip into the partner having to defend you to each other between the metamours. We just covered all the ins and outs of scenario A, which is where you don't like your metamour for some reason. I think we've all had a lot of practice of things also feeling good as well that gives us a good contrast to when things are not feeling so good between metamours and partners. If that is the case for you, then you can try to employ these specific things and try to talk to them again in a very non-violent communication way. Emily:It does happen and it's awesome and then also just talking loudly to my coworkers about the podcasts and then people are like, "What? What have I heard or what have I gotten is that fueling my dislike of this person?

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